The Jell-O Recipe That Mamie Eisenhower Used To Win The Cold War



Here is your bit of "DC gossip" for the day: a Jell-o dessert recipe, for the holiday of Thanksgiving! It is Mamie Eisenhower's famed Red Scare Thanksgiving Jell-o Dessert and it is best served chilled, to family members you hate. (There is Mamie right there with "friend" Lenora Hickock, feeding each other Jell-O and giggling knowingly.) This vile thing is exactly what the Eisenhowers used to force-feed the Soviets, and it is delicious.. Ingredients:

  • One (1) packet of sugar-free raspberry Jello
  • One (1) small-ish amount of water
  • One (1) handful of ice cubes
  • One (1) cup of Sprite Zero
  • One (1) packet of Cherry-Pomegranate Crystal Light
  1. Fill a small-ish sauce pan thing with water. Ideally it should amount to around a cup or so, but sometimes even the best chefs have a difficult time finding where overreaching family members moved the measuring cups, so just whatever feels like a cup, that's probably a cup.
  2. Pour out the sugar-free raspberry Jello into a bowl. Make sure the bowl is big enough to hold at least two or so cups of liquid. This last point is crucial.
  3. Stare at the water until it boils. Do not worry: it will boil, despite the epigram suggesting otherwise.
  4. Pour the boiling water on top of the Jello in the bowl and stir it a few times so all the Jello particles whiz around in an even fashion and none are stuck to the bottom.
  5. Pour like a half-cup of cold Sprite Zero into the mixture too.
  6. So now grab a handful of ice cubes and place them in here too, as this will hasten the Jello along on its journey from liquid Jello to Jello Jello.
  7. Add a dash, or more than a dash—no judgment!—of Cherry-Pomegranate Crystal Light. There are now several different flavors floating about, which is several minus one more than you would have in cases of unmodified sugar-free raspberry Jello.
  8. Place in freezer. You heard me.
  9. Check on the Jello by sticking your finger in it every 10 to 15 minutes.
  10. When it resembles an ice-skating rink covered in blood (a hockey rink?), it is Time.

This is all it took, plus Ronald Reagan.

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Betty Ford’s Chocolate Cake Thing Involves A Lot Of Sleeping And Hanging Out In The Freezer



That is Betty Ford on the left, holding baby Trig. She looks so young!


Here is one for the "chocoholics," starring Betty Ford! It's a Chocolate Icebox Dessert, and while it SOUNDS racist, that is just because of all the liquor.

Grab the following:

6 eggs

1 angel food cake

12 oz. chocolate chips

4 tb. of sugar

6 tb. of water

2 ts. vanilla

1 ts. salt

2 c. whipping cream

12 steps to dessert fun:

Get a cake pan, it should measure 9 x 9, so it should look like a square. Line it with "wax paper," which people... buy.. at.. hardware stores (?). Cut up the angel food cake, use a spoon or plastic spatula or some dull edge — NO ONE LIKES A PROBLEM — and place it in the pan. Separate the eggs and beat the yolks until they have reached a Bellini-like coloring and consistency.

Melt the chocolate in a double boiler over water. Ask someone what a double boiler is. Have that person boil the chocolate. Squeeze that person's waist inappropriately, wink, and walk out of the room to lie down. Using your hands to make sure the floor is still there, come back to the kitchen and add sugar and water and mix, and then add in egg yolks too. Beat it awhile more, just beat it until you feel like you're losing control, and then sit for awhile and come back and beat it some more and then let it cool. "Just be cool," you'll say aloud, "to the dessert."

Add vanilla and salt, get the person who found the boiler and ask them why this is the single most complicated recipe on Earth. You're not even HUNGRY. You just ate yesterday. Mix again, beat the egg whites and fold them into the chocolate and then add the whip cream, which you also should have beaten, because you have to do everything. Everything's on your shoulders, all the time, just like this constant weight. Spread the frosting around the cake part and put it in the refrigerator overnight. Sleep slumped up against the refrigerator, so you'll be able to tell if anything goes wrong.

[RecipeSource]

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