Checking In With Fox News’s Hanukkah Freedom Tree Benghazi Disaster Coverage! DAY TWO!

If there is one universal truth about journalism, it is that relentlessly tragic stories deserve relentless coverage. Thus we begin Day Two of coverage of Fox News's Little Christmas Tree Go Boom.

First, a brief recap of some of the things said on the Fox News network yesterday, about the Christmas tree that got arsoned in a crime where (thankfully) no one got hurt:

Ainsley Earhardt said, "Don't worry. Don't worry. Do not be deterred. We will not be. We're going to rebuild it. We're going to rebuild it and we're going to build it back better." Also, "Someone did this to spoil our Christmas, but that's not gonna happen."

They called their dumb tree an "American icon," like anybody even knew about this fuglyass tree that was around the corner from the world's-most-famous Rockefeller Center Christmas tree, before go boom.

On yesterday's "Fox & Friends," Brian Kilmeade rhetorically shit his pants, like "NO CITY IS SAFE, NO PERSON IS SAFE!" We don't know if he literally checked his underwear after that, but it might have been a good idea.

And oh God, we hope you know by know that Ainsley Earhardt said out loud with her mouth that the Fox News Christmas tree isn't just about Christmas, but also about Hanukkah and freedom.

So all that happened on "Fox & Friends" yesterday, and it was the best episode of the show since its inception. Just kidding, we don't know if it was good, as we would never subject ourselves to the brain-flattening torture of watching that show as it airs. That is Media Matters's jerb.

Fuckin' Hanukkah and freedom, man. Hanukkah and freedom.

But then the day just kept going, and so did Fox News, with their 9/11/Benghazi-style coverage of what happened to their stupidass tree.

Did somebody on Fox News actually say the words "we're gonna rebuild it"? YES.

Did they call it "America's tree" and say it was an attack on "the country"? YES. (Again, kids, Rockefeller Center, where the real tree is, is around the corner.)

Did anchors and guests talk throughout the day about how they "got the news" about the terribleness what had befallen? Yes, and one gets the sense that these mouthbreathing grundlesacks literally think this is going to be an "Everybody remembers where they were when" moment.

In this clip, which includes everything in the preceding paragraph, you hear the announcement that they have already begun to "rebuild" the tree. Hooray!

"NO ONE CAN BURN DOWN THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS," said Harris Faulkner yesterday afternoon, in what surely was one of the five dumbest Fox News monologues of the week:

And then there was RNC Chairwoman Ronna Romney McDaniel, who earnestly explained how tree go boom was a "huge problem for Democrats." We think she was trying to make a larger point about how the tree was set afire by a homeless person, something about poverty in Democrat-run cities. Unfortunately she's not very articulate, so it just comes out as a white Republican saying a list of words that make Fox viewers shit their Depends.

They were talking about some poll about the 2022 midterms:

What this poll is telling us is we're going to take back the House and the Senate and the American people want a change. Biden is underwater. Harris's approval is under 30% and Republicans are more trusted on three key issues: the economy, inflation and crime."

And these are issues we're seeing every day on our streets, around our homes, in our communities, on the news. Look at your Christmas tree that was just burned down. This is a huge problem for Democrats.

We think she was saying "economy, inflation and crime" are a huge problem for Democrats, and that Fox Christmas tree go boom was an example of "economy, inflation and crime." Whatever she was saying, she was proud enough of it to tweet about it:


Hey everyone, here is some more of yesterday's "Fox & Friends," where the hosts showed a bunch of Christmas trees while expressing their sadness glands about how their tree go boom. Steve Doocy said they are gonna rebuild.

Next up is Tucker queening the fuuuuuuuuuck out last night, saying "torching Christmas trees is an attack on Christianity" and a "hate crime." (Y'all know how Bethlehem was full of gaudy evergreen trees.) He whined that the DOJ can tell you how many Q'urans were burned last year, but not how many Christmas trees go boom. "Why is that," Tucker asked, golden retriever face dot gif? He complained that FBI Director Chris Wray is not doing anything about "Christmas arson," and that Attorney General Merrick Garland isn't doing any press releases about it.

All of this made Tucker very sadface.

Yeah, he was upset.

And here is Jeanine Pirro last night, calling Sean Hannity "Geraldo" and saying he starts his show each night showing "hostages in a foreign country." As she was slurring, they were showing footage of War On Tree happening just outside their building:

You know, we are starting to wonder if Fox News set its own tree on fire because its war on Christmas is such a limp dick this year.

Apropos of nothing, Laura Ingraham used this graphic last night on her show.

Hey, you don't think they're still going with all this shit today, do you? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha you idiot. Here's Steve Doocy this morning whining that lighting Christmas trees on fire is not considered a hate crime and Brian Kilmeade being like YES IT IS IT IS A HATE CRIME AGAINST FOX NEWS. Probably ought to check his pants again.

In this clip, Kilmeade says it's just like Waukesha:

Finally, here is a supercut CNN did of Fox News's tree go boom, with a chyron that said, "If Fox Covered Capitol Attack Like A Christmas Tree Attack ..."

It. Is. Incredible.

And that is going to have to be enough. They are reportedly relighting their new tree later this afternoon. Thank baby Jesus, all our prayers answered.

Until then, Parker Molloy made a 10-minute Yule log video out of the old tree, SHUT UP STOP LAUGHING IT'S NOT FUNNY.

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