If there is one universal truth about journalism, it is that relentlessly tragic stories deserve relentless coverage. Thus we begin Day Two of coverage of Fox News's Little Christmas Tree Go Boom.
First, a brief recap of some of the things said on the Fox News network yesterday, about the Christmas tree that got arsoned in a crime where (thankfully) no one got hurt:
Ainsley Earhardt said, "Don't worry. Don't worry. Do not be deterred. We will not be. We're going to rebuild it. We're going to rebuild it and we're going to build it back better." Also, "Someone did this to spoil our Christmas, but that's not gonna happen."
They called their dumb tree an "American icon," like anybody even knew about this fuglyass tree that was around the corner from the world's-most-famous Rockefeller Center Christmas tree, before go boom.
On yesterday's "Fox & Friends," Brian Kilmeade rhetorically shit his pants, like "NO CITY IS SAFE, NO PERSON IS SAFE!" We don't know if he literally checked his underwear after that, but it might have been a good idea.
And oh God, we hope you know by know that Ainsley Earhardt said out loud with her mouth that the Fox News Christmas tree isn't just about Christmas, but also about Hanukkah and freedom.
Ainsley Earhardt on the Fox Christmas tree: "It's a tree that unites us. It brings us together. It's about the Christmas spirit. It is about the holiday season. It's about Jesus. It's about Hanukkah. It is about everything that we stand for as a country."pic.twitter.com/fV8Hg2juHI— Bobby Lewis (@Bobby Lewis) 1638975830
So all that happened on "Fox & Friends" yesterday, and it was the best episode of the show since its inception. Just kidding, we don't know if it was good, as we would never subject ourselves to the brain-flattening torture of watching that show as it airs. That is Media Matters's jerb.
Fuckin' Hanukkah and freedom, man. Hanukkah and freedom.
But then the day just kept going, and so did Fox News, with their 9/11/Benghazi-style coverage of what happened to their stupidass tree.
Did somebody on Fox News actually say the words "we're gonna rebuild it"? YES.
Did they call it "America's tree" and say it was an attack on "the country"? YES. (Again, kids, Rockefeller Center, where the real tree is, is around the corner.)
Did anchors and guests talk throughout the day about how they "got the news" about the terribleness what had befallen? Yes, and one gets the sense that these mouthbreathing grundlesacks literally think this is going to be an "Everybody remembers where they were when" moment.
In this clip, which includes everything in the preceding paragraph, you hear the announcement that they have already begun to "rebuild" the tree. Hooray!
Fox News's Lawrence Jones: "We will rebuild it. It\u2019s not just a Fox News tree. This was America\u2019s tree! ... Although [the suspect] was not specifically targeting Fox News, he was targeting the country!"pic.twitter.com/GmoiurisfS— Justin Baragona (@Justin Baragona) 1638992815
"NO ONE CAN BURN DOWN THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS," said Harris Faulkner yesterday afternoon, in what surely was one of the five dumbest Fox News monologues of the week:
Fox News anchor Harris Faulkner on the Fox Xmas tree fire: "But no one can burn down the spirit of Christmas, or destroy our resilience... we share with you every part of our journey. The part where sometimes we get hit, and a part where we get up together."pic.twitter.com/aE6P9qD4be— Justin Baragona (@Justin Baragona) 1638983244
And then there was RNC Chairwoman Ronna Romney McDaniel, who earnestly explained how tree go boom was a "huge problem for Democrats." We think she was trying to make a larger point about how the tree was set afire by a homeless person, something about poverty in Democrat-run cities. Unfortunately she's not very articulate, so it just comes out as a white Republican saying a list of words that make Fox viewers shit their Depends.
They were talking about some poll about the 2022 midterms:
ROMNEY MAC: What this poll is telling us is we're going to take back the House and the Senate and the American people want a change. Biden is underwater. Harris's approval is under 30% and Republicans are more trusted on three key issues: the economy, inflation and crime."
And these are issues we're seeing every day on our streets, around our homes, in our communities, on the news. Look at your Christmas tree that was just burned down. This is a huge problem for Democrats.
We think she was saying "economy, inflation and crime" are a huge problem for Democrats, and that Fox Christmas tree go boom was an example of "economy, inflation and crime." Whatever she was saying, she was proud enough of it to tweet about it:
Seriously?! Burning Christmas trees?! How long will Democrats allow this chaos to keep happening in our nation\u2019s cities?\n \nINCREASE cop presence and STOP coddling criminals.https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10287863/Police-arrest-man-Christmas-tree-outside-News-Corporations-Midtown-headquarters-set-ablaze.html\u00a0\u2026— Ronna McDaniel (@Ronna McDaniel) 1638980274
Hey everyone, here is some more of yesterday's "Fox & Friends," where the hosts showed a bunch of Christmas trees while expressing their sadness glands about how their tree go boom. Steve Doocy said they are gonna rebuild.
oh my god fox & friends aired a montage of public christmas trees this morning "because we can't show you our christmas tree today, because it was burned down last night"pic.twitter.com/IET6cE31xz— Bobby Lewis (@Bobby Lewis) 1638977394
Next up is Tucker queening the fuuuuuuuuuck out last night, saying "torching Christmas trees is an attack on Christianity" and a "hate crime." (Y'all know how Bethlehem was full of gaudy evergreen trees.) He whined that the DOJ can tell you how many Q'urans were burned last year, but not how many Christmas trees go boom. "Why is that," Tucker asked, golden retriever face dot gif? He complained that FBI Director Chris Wray is not doing anything about "Christmas arson," and that Attorney General Merrick Garland isn't doing any press releases about it.
All of this made Tucker very sadface.
The War on Christmas continues. Tonight, Tucker is outraged Merrick Garland isn\u2019t prosecuting people who burn Christmas trees for a federal hate crime.pic.twitter.com/PYraUVszqa— Ron Filipkowski (@Ron Filipkowski) 1639014973
Yeah, he was upset.
big if trupic.twitter.com/5rTF2S3NKc— nikki mccann ram\u00edrez (@nikki mccann ram\u00edrez) 1639011781
And here is Jeanine Pirro last night, calling Sean Hannity "Geraldo" and saying he starts his show each night showing "hostages in a foreign country." As she was slurring, they were showing footage of War On Tree happening just outside their building:
It\u2019s Sean Hannity, not Geraldo. What the hell is Fox thinking putting her on after happy hour?pic.twitter.com/QC4zLARQx1— Ron Filipkowski (@Ron Filipkowski) 1639018139
You know, we are starting to wonder if Fox News set its own tree on fire because its war on Christmas is such a limp dick this year.
Apropos of nothing, Laura Ingraham used this graphic last night on her show.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhpic.twitter.com/rEVY8WoUPT— Acyn (@Acyn) 1639018991
Hey, you don't think they're still going with all this shit today, do you? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha you idiot. Here's Steve Doocy this morning whining that lighting Christmas trees on fire is not considered a hate crime and Brian Kilmeade being like YES IT IS IT IS A HATE CRIME AGAINST FOX NEWS. Probably ought to check his pants again.
Brian Kilmeade on the burning of the Fox Christmas tree: "Who says it's not a hate crime against us, against Fox News?"pic.twitter.com/DFm9qN6eXJ— Bobby Lewis (@Bobby Lewis) 1639055981
In this clip, Kilmeade says it's just like Waukesha:
Brian Kilmeade connects the Fox Christmas tree fire, which burned up some plastic and killed nobody, to the Waukesha parade murders, which killed six people and injured 62 more.pic.twitter.com/P1tsCEFm6P— Bobby Lewis (@Bobby Lewis) 1639056407
Finally, here is a supercut CNN did of Fox News's tree go boom, with a chyron that said, "If Fox Covered Capitol Attack Like A Christmas Tree Attack ..."
It. Is. Incredible.
The Christmas tree fire at Fox was a serious incident.\nObviously it's incredibly scary to feel your work place is under attack.\nUnless your work place is the Capitol.\nThen, according to Fox hosts, it's not such a big deal.\n#RollTheTapepic.twitter.com/8kdsfzxFOn— Brianna Keilar (@Brianna Keilar) 1639057506
And that is going to have to be enough. They are reportedly relighting their new tree later this afternoon. Thank baby Jesus, all our prayers answered.
Until then, Parker Molloy made a 10-minute Yule log video out of the old tree, SHUT UP STOP LAUGHING IT'S NOT FUNNY.
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