Devin Nunes Quitting Congress To Graze In Trump’s Pastures. That’s It, That’s Your Final Cow Joke.

There was a time when Devin Nunes mattered. That time is not anymore.

There was a time, when Republicans ran the House after Donald Trump was installed in office thanks to Russia and our poorly built electoral system, when there was a need for guys like Devin. He was the chair of the House Intelligence Committee, after all, and everybody was pretty sure Russia had just helped steal an American presidency, but nobody was yet sure how. Trump needed butt-sniffing loyalists like Devin in powerful places — guys who weren't that bright, guys people made jokes about how they weren't bringing potato salad to the MENSA orgies, guys who would dropkick their own bodies out of Ubers in the middle of the night to take secret intelligence from the White House to the White House to prove that Barack Obama was the real Wire Tapps, or whatever the hell it was.

Now Devin is just, you know, old cows. In a House GOP caucus that's all about letting Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert dutch oven the American experiment possibly out of existence, where is there even a place for Devin?

So it stands to reason that Devin has found a new, shittier pasture to graze in, announcing that he's quitting Congress basically right now — at the end of this month — to go "run" Donald Trump's new "social media company," which IS TOO a real job. It is a billion-dollar company! Allegedly!

And sure, we see you all out there being Naysaying Normans, reminding us what happened to Donald Trump's last "social media company," by which we guess you mean that blog he started last year and couldn't keep going for more than a month. We're not saying you're wrong, we're just saying we see you.

Trump Media & Technology Group said in a statement Monday that Nunes would become CEO of the company in January.

“The time has come to reopen the Internet and allow for the free flow of ideas and expression without censorship," Nunes said in the statement. "The United States of America made the dream of the Internet a reality and it will be an American company that restores the dream."

Stop laughing, it's not funny.

And it TOTALLY makes sense for Devin to quit Congress, where he might have been selected to chair the Ways and Means Committee if Republicans took back the House. This is totally a better gig.

First of all, Devin IS TOO qualified to run an allegedly "billion"-dollar social media company that is real. Yes! A man who sued an imaginary Twitter cow for hurting his feelings. Top of the list for a "job" like that!

And Devin will definitely end up doing a real "job" at Donald Trump's real social media company that is real. (If you don't click on that link to find out how real Trump's company is, you won't ever know how real it is.) Why, it will probably be as real of a "job" as Devin's long dairy farming career, which is in California!

By the way, it looks like at least part of why this is happening may be because early drafts of California's new district maps make Devin Nunes's district a lot more Democratic than it currently is right this second. So it stands to reason why Devin would immediately run to Mar-a-Lago for "job." Of course, there is no stupider move on the planet than going to work for Donald Trump, so it makes sense that this is a news story about "Devin."

The California Democratic Party's response to the news was nice:

“Devin Nunes has long been an embarrassment to California,” the party said in a tweet. “It’s only fitting that he now leaves Congress to debase himself even further to Donald Trump.”


Don't nobody tell him how good Trump is at paying people. Don't want him getting so excited he forgets to quit Congress entirely.


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