Well golly gee, it turns out that Jared Schmeck, the Oregon dad who modeled fatherly behavior for his children when he
armpit farted "Let's Go Brandon"-ed at the president during the NORAD Christmas Eve call, miiiiiiiiight not be exactly the "free-thinking American and follower of Jesus Christ" he said he was. We're sure he still thinks he is. He also said he wasn't a "Trumper."
It's just hard to square all that with how this loser has already done gone run off to cry to Steve Bannon about how he's put upon:
Jared Schmeck tells Steve Bannon: "Donald Trump is my president and he should still be president right now. The election was 100% stolen. So, I just want to make that clear."pic.twitter.com/YbyysPAIbH— David Edwards (@David Edwards) 1640624684
Look at that nerd crying at old Grease-Grundle about how saying "Let's Go Brandon" to Joe Biden was actually a "very serious thing" he needed to do, as a patriotic American.
Here are some more words from this serious man who does serious things:
SCHMECK: For me, "Let's Go Brandon" is — and I've said it in other articles, I am a Christian man ...
Stop laughing, this serious man is explaining what "Let's Go Brandon" means to him. It's very personal, and it's important to be able to give your "Let's Go Brandon" testimony at a moment's notice.
SCHMECK: For me, it's God first and foremost, I don't follow any one man blindly, um, some of the media's run with that and said I don't support Donald Trump, that's absolutely false, Donald Trump is my president, and he should be president right now, the election was 100 percent stolen ...
Wait, which man does he not follow blindly? "Let's go Brandon" is God? Use your words, son.
SCHMECK: "Let's Go Brandon" is more than just F Joe Biden. "Let's Go Brandon" encompasses ...
It encompasses? Is that the word from the word-of-the-day calendar we were looking for?
SCHMECK: ... the entirety of our frustration with Joe Biden, the administration, the leftist mob, the cancel culture, the mainstream media ...
You'll be glad to know the gentleman also managed to remember the phrases "supply chain" and "inflation" and "abortion" and "border crisis" and "vaccine mandates." Because he knows things.
SCHMECK: We're able, as conservatives, we're able to find humor in this ...
With the "Let's Go Brandon" joke, which is now several hundred years old. But that one ancient joke is not just a joke, as it encompasses a multitude of things this guy heard on Fox News or Newsmax or maybe even on the podcast of the rotting carcass he was speaking to right then!
That's enough. It's too easy.
We would point out, though, that on Steve Bannon's chyron, where it would normally explain why Jared Schmeck is important and worthy of our time, it just says "Let's Go Brandon." In case we were confused about whether this was the extent of his accomplishments.
We touched on this before, but Schmeck, like all white conservatives with 15 minutes of fame and a victim complex, is out there bitching about how his "free speech" is now being attacked, because conservatives like him think "free speech" means they're allowed to say what they want without being criticized. It's important that we realize, however, that it's deeper than that.
It matters that one of the first places this superloser ran was headlong into the musk clouds of Steve Bannon's armpits, so he could blubber about how Donald Trump was the REAL winner of the election. People like this labor under the magical fantasy that they are the silent majority, that everybody is secretly thinking what they are thinking, and that when they do something "brave" like
armpit-farting Let's Go Brandon-ing at the president during an innocent Christmastime call for children, said silent majority will show up and stand in solidarity with them.
Then they actually pull some shit, and the mockery from the actual majority is deafening. Everybody who's talking about it is making fun of it. Nobody of any consequence is saying how cool it was that this guy did what he did. This guy is getting his 15 minutes, to be sure, but if he gets any more attention than that from the actual culture of regular Americans, it'll be because somebody like Jimmy Kimmel decided to hold the guy up for some more mockery, like he did when he awarded "Cornhole Karen" his viral clip of the year award.
So yeah, we get it. Dude is screaming about "free speech," but what he's really saying is "stop making fun of me!" And whining about how Donald Trump won — which he probably truly believes in his very big boy adult brain — is just him begging for acceptance from the objects of national ridicule and scorn who think just like he does.
So he goes on Bannon, who's apparently the first stop on the circuit for new dead-end Trump heroes. What's next? Snorting horse paste at a Charlie Kirk conference? The sky's the limit, we guess. Or at least however high "sky" is when you're the type of person who thinks "Let's Go Brandon" is not only hilarious, but also a nuanced expression of a coherent political philosophy.
Oh, Brandon. Bless your heart.
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