Who will weep a Christmas lamentation for Fox News's Peter Doocy, and then weep some more?
Young Peter is back at work -- he has a job at the White House after all, and must toil away in the press room to put food on his family, we imagine -- but his heart is clearly still mired in the #tragedy that befell him and his Fox News brethren last week.
Oh, you've already forgotten? They had a Christmas "tree" thing that was ugly, but then the woke mob or just one deranged guy set the tree on fire, which destroyed Christmas and Hanukkah and freedom and everybody died, but don't worry, they got better? How could you forget? Why, Young Peter's serious man father Steve Doocy stood outside fewer than 24 hours after the mayhem began, in the shadow of the new tacky tree they sent some interns out to Walgreen's ('LLEGEDLY!) to buy as a replacement, and listened as a normal and well-adjusted pastor explained how this was just like Pearl Harbor!
And you forgot.
Oh well, good news, because since one of the defining features of Peter Doocy is "courage," he brought it up yesterday at his White House job. IS IT "GOOD GOVERNING," Young Peter demanded to know from press secretary Jen Psaki, WHEN MEAN MEN HURT HIS CHRISTMAS TREE AND TRY TO RUIN HIS HOLIDAY SPIRIT? Is that what JOE BIDEN WANTS?
TELL PETER DOOCY, JEN PSAKI! TELL HIM!
Doocy: We\u2019ve seen an arsonist burn down a half a million dollar Christmas tree in New York City back on the streets. Does the President think that\u2019s good governing?pic.twitter.com/6vWcZoFNdI— Acyn (@Acyn) 1639419461
Should we actually transcribe that? Nah. We will merely accurately explain to you that in 30 seconds, Doocy managed to bitch about some pickpocket he read about in a shitty tabloid -- the New York Post -- being back out on the streets, and also THE arsonist who made Peter's special Christmas bush go boom being back out on the streets, and deeeeeeemanding to know if Joe Biden, the president of the United States who lives in Washington, thinks that is "good governing."
Jen Psaki laughed at it -- not out loud, but in her heart, we are pretty sure -- and told him to ask the local cops about local crime reports, Peter Doocy, you fucking dork.
She didn't say the fucking dork part, that was us, as per usual.
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