What You Miss Not Being on the Internet

My 91 year-old dad is still pretty sharp, but he’s not on the Internet. He reads the daily paper and watches MSNBC, national and local TV news. So, he’s as generally well-informed as he can be, but yesterday I had to explain a couple of things to him.

First, he was not acquainted with the concept of “fuck your feelings” — he was trying to decipher a picture of a Trump flag that was waving during the Capitol assault and wasn’t quite sure that’s what it said. I had to explain the whole concept of the most sensitive people in the world, who whine at every opportunity and whimper about being cancelled while appearing on cable news, disregarding the feelings of others.

Second, he didn’t understand “own the libs”. The context here was a Doonesbury cartoon that showed someone in an ICU bed with COVID saying that at least they “owned the libs.” I don’t know if I fully explained that one, since the whole notion of “being owned” was generated on the Internet.

Before you accuse my family of elder abuse for not getting him Internet access, just trust me when I say that many have tried, and all have failed. This guy gets a couple of pounds of mail every day and is single-handedly financing the local Post Office with the amount of mail he sends, but he just doesn’t want to learn how to use an iPad or even a Jitterbug smart phone.

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